Building kids self esteem through praise is one of the best parenting tools parents have. Correct? Not necessarily. If you use excessive, or insincere praise you may find it’s not the best way to raise self esteem over the long haul. Actually, “Over the top” or “Insincere Compliments” can produce the opposite results.
For example: Your son just hit a home run, and you praise him by saying, “You are the best player on the team!” He may smile and be pleased for a moment or two, but self doubt and questioning will eventually creep in.
“Does everyone else in the stands feel the same way?”
“What happens when I can’t hit a home run again. What will my folks think then?
“They know I’m not the best player on the team and so does everyone else.
“Jimmy hit five home runs this season and I’ve only hit one.”
“It was just a one time deal… and I’m not sure I can do it again.
When your child does well, it’s best to commend them by using a parenting technique I call, “Action and Judgment Praise.”
“How did you do that? It looks like all the practicing you’ve been doing lately has really paid off.” (Action)
“I could tell you waited until just the right moment to hit that ball.” (Judgment)
Now the child will think differently about himself.
“If I keep practicing, perhaps I can hit a few more home runs this year.”
“Boy, I’ve been working hard on my hitting and it’s paid off. I wonder when the coach is going to call another batting practice?
My six year old grand daughter has a natural ability toward art. She’s very creative. In fact, she really is outstanding. We have to be careful about how she’s approached about her natural gift.
Instead of saying, “You are the best artist,” her parents give compliments using the “Action and Judgment Praise” parenting method. Self confidence is then built upon her effort and judgment and not her natural ability.
“I can see you’ve really put a lot of attention to detail in you drawing.” (Action)
“I really love the colors you used to make the sunset.” (Judgment)
My grand daughter was having a few self esteem issues with her school work and dealing with friends. My son and daughter-in-law began to use the “Action and Judgment Praise” parenting technique. There’s been a noticeable increase in my grand daughter’s self-confidence in those particular areas.
Try using the “Action and Judgment Praise” parenting technique with your fantastic kids and see if it doesn’t make a difference in their self-confidence and esteem.
Let’s hang in there together!
Kathy – Insightful Nana
